I spent years inside something I couldn't name. Not because I wasn't paying attention. Because I didn't know what I was looking for. By the time I understood what had happened to me, most of the damage was already done.
I am sharing this anonymously because anonymity is sometimes the only condition under which truth can be told safely. And because this page is not about me. It is about the gap between what emotional abuse actually is and what most people understand it to be before they encounter it in their own lives.
That gap is enormous. I lived inside it for years. I watched the people around me live inside it too, recognizing only pieces of what was happening, never the whole pattern. I heard the same things many survivors hear: that relationships are hard, that no one is perfect, that I was too sensitive, that I needed to be more patient, more understanding, more forgiving. I heard these things so many times and from so many directions that I stopped questioning whether they were true.
Emotional abuse is not dramatic. It is incremental. It operates in the ordinary language of relationships, which is exactly what makes it so difficult to recognize from inside it.
What I did not have, at any point while I was living through it, was a clear framework for understanding what was happening. I did not have the research. I did not have the language. I did not know that what I was experiencing had a name, that it had been studied, that its mechanisms were documented, that its effects on the brain were measurable. I did not know that what I was feeling, the confusion, the self-doubt, the sense that I was the problem, were recognized and documented long-term effects of a specific kind of harm.
I found all of that out afterward. In hindsight, during the long process of trying to understand what had happened and why it had taken me so long to see it. The research was clarifying in a way that nothing else had been. Not because it told me something I didn't already know on some level, but because it gave that knowledge a form I could hold and examine. It made the invisible visible.
I built It's Still Abuse because I believe that access to that clarity should not depend on surviving something first.
The research on emotional abuse, gaslighting, coercive control, financial abuse, and the documented impact on children is substantial, peer-reviewed, and unambiguous. It exists. Most people have never encountered it, not because it is inaccessible, but because no one has made it genuinely accessible. Not in language that a person who is not a clinical psychologist can read and understand. Not in a form that reaches people before they are already in the middle of something they cannot name.
That is what this organization is trying to do. Make the research available, in plain language, free of charge, to anyone who wants to understand emotional abuse before they need to. So that more people can recognize the signs while they are still happening, not in the years of reflection afterward.
I remain anonymous not because this story is something to hide, but because the story is not the point. The point is the work. And I hope something here reaches whoever needs it, before they spend years searching for a name for what happened to them, the way I did.
The Founder
It's Still Abuse Inc., a 501(c)(3) nonprofit
What We Do
Our mission is to prevent the lasting harm of unrecognized emotional abuse by reaching those who experienced it, those who are experiencing it, and their allies with free education grounded in peer-reviewed research. So no one spends years without the language for what happened to them.
Education and awareness,
built on peer-reviewed research.
Research-backed articles
In-depth guides on emotional abuse, gaslighting, coercive control, financial abuse, and the neurological impact of psychological harm. Written for a general audience, grounded in peer-reviewed science.
Survivor resources
A curated directory of crisis lines, therapist finders, financial recovery programs, and peer support organizations for survivors of non-physical abuse. Vetted, updated, and always free.
Ally education
Practical guidance for friends, family, and colleagues who want to support someone they are worried about. What to say, what to avoid, and how to help without causing harm.
Important to Know
We are an education and awareness organization.
Not a crisis service.
This is a free educational resource: peer-reviewed research explained in plain language, a directory of organizations equipped to help, and a 501(c)(3) nonprofit with no paid placements, no sponsored posts, and no financial conflicts of interest. It exists for survivors, allies, educators, and anyone who wants to understand abuse before they need to.
This is not a crisis line, a therapy service, or a source of legal advice. We cannot assess individual situations. If you are in immediate danger, call 911. For crisis support, the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) is available 24/7. A qualified therapist, advocate, or crisis counselor is the right resource for anything this site cannot provide.
Start with the research.
Everything on this site is free, research-backed, and written to be understood by anyone. No signup required. No paywall. No agenda beyond the work.